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The case of the accidental PB sandwich


In a world of nut-allergy afflicted children, I did something terribly wrong. And Emily didn't waste any time pointing out my mistake and she served the accusation up on a platter that was accompanied by a large order of sass. 

I blame my mistake on having an overly busy life and a slowly deteriorating "mom-memory." I was making Emily's lunch for school, while also trying to appease Charlotte and feed the dog. That's when the big slip-up of 2018 occurred. 

After checking off my list of lunches and feeling like I had achieved one of my many tasks, Emily called me back into the kitchen, interrupting a very glamorous diaper change. 

The look of disgust on her face said it all. This girl was born with a natural RBF (Resting Bitch Face)and it was never more evident than in this very moment. 

"MOOOOM," she said with angst, while holding the sandwich limply in her hand.

"What? What's wrong?"

Believe it or not I actually thought that something very bad happened. Did she fall off the chair at the counter or did she just discover that her guinea pig really did die and she's not coming back?

I was wrong, oh so wrong. And with gritted teeth and evil eyes she said the following words that will be repeated in my head every single time I make her lunch well into her post-college years...

"You put PEANUT BUTTER on my sandwich. I CAN'T have PEANUT BUTTER on my sandwich at SCHOOL." 

As she said the words, her eyebrows wrinkled the same way mine do when I think something is just downright stupid, and in that moment I realized that she thought I was downright stupid. And stupid is a word that we don't use in our house. 

Following her disgusted words, she pushed the sandwich across the counter as if it was infected with a deadly virus. 

I then found myself apologizing to her in a way that was similar to someone who was just caught cheating on their spouse. I did something majorly wrong. And with the lack of trust that a cheating victim has, Emily now checks her lunch box every morning before school.  

When you are the parent of a four-year-old girl, there is no getting away with anything. I imagine that this finger-pointing will just get worse over the years.

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